Movie Review: Hot Tub Time Machine

Movie Review: Hot Tub Time Machine Alternate Title: The Worst Movie Ever Made Story: File this under ‘what was I thinking’.’ It’s a crowded folder, but I am sure I can stuff this crapola movie up there near the top. I blame my good friend, Carol for dragging me to this film but she insists it was my idea. Okay, okay – shared blame will have to suffice. This is what is wrong with this movie (in no particular order). Director Steve Pink took a concept that had built in laughs and managed to edit out (if there was an editor) all of the funny jokes. What remains is ‘humor’ that includes projectile vomiting, homophobic juvenile antics, scatological references, offensive vignettes, ongoing misogynous pranks and incredibly flat timing. It was written (and that is a very lose term) by Josh Heald, Sean Anders and John Morris and was based on a story by Mr. Heald. Essentially the story revolves around three guys who long for the time when they were perpetually horny and/or stoned. A weekend trip to their favorite ski resort of yore somehow finds them in a hot tub that misfires and flings them back to 1986. The gags should be rampant but alas, the jokes it seems, did not return to the 80’s with these three losers. I lowered my standards and my expectations before I entered the theater but literally had a few jaw dropping moments of disbelief as this piece of crap of a film dragged on and on. I want my 99 minutes back – now. The above photo is of me with Andy Warhol sometime in the mid ’80’s.  It was fun – but I would not want to return to that time period. If you must – watch only the trailer. It has the only funny moments and is blessedly short. Acting: John Cusack as Adam looked tired and depressed. I would have been too if I was in this film. Rob Corddry as Lou was despicable, annoying and I needed a shower when I went home. Craig Robinson as Nick was tolerable. Clark Duke as nephew Jacob, was strangely miscast. Crispin Glover as bellhop Phil, was scary. Chevy Chase as the hot tub Repair Man was sad. Trivia: John Cusack has a production company called New Crime Productions (that produced Grosse Pointe Blank (1997), Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998), and The Jack Bull (1999) (TV) among various stage productions) which he founded with two of his high school buddies Steve Pink & D.V. DeVincentis. He is the product of a passionately liberal Irish Catholic family, visited the radical Berrigan brothers when he was growing up, and, like them, his mother still gets arrested for her anti-militarism and pro- human rights protests. Predilection: None (and I barely remember the 80’s). Critters: Cats, squirrels and the carcass of some dead animal in the hot tub. Food: I do not recall food – only projectile vomiting. Sex Spectrum: Sex is a large part of this sophomoric movie. Soundtrack: The soundtrack was the only okay part of the film. Visual Art: Horrifying. Theater Audience: A fairly empty theater with a mixed bag of people. One guy screamed he wanted his money back after the movie ended. Sappy Factor: 0 Quirky Meter: 0 Squirm Scale: 10 Drift Factor: I planned the rest of the month while watching this nightmare. Predictability Level: I wished everyone harm. Tissue Usage: I cried at the waste of time. Oscar Worthy: Puh-leeze. Big Screen or Rental: All copies of this film should be burned. Length: 99 minutes LOBO HOWLS: 0