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Hanukkah Shmanukkah Redux December 1, 2010

Posted by judylobo in Dogs and cats, Jewish Stuff, Photography, Religion, Videos.
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My top 10 thoughts about Hanukkah Vs Christmas

1. First off, they are not the same thing.  Hanukkah is NOT a Jewish Christmas.

2. Jewish people do not have to wear awful sweaters with menorahs or dreidels on them as a substitute for those wacky Christmas outfits that get pulled out of mothballs once a year.

3. Hanukkah is a moving holiday. It lands all over the place (that darned lunar calendar). For those that like to plan ahead – 2011: Dec. 20-Dec. 28,  2012: Dec. 8-Dec. 16.

4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. Sigh – like most things Jewish, you get lots of choices and opinions. Does it have a ‘C’, 2 ‘N’s, some K’s? What letter does it end with?  There are more than 20 different spellings of the Jewish Festival of Lights and, of course, no one has told us which is the definitive spelling. You know the old adage about the number of opinions amongst Jewish people all depends upon how many Jews are in the room. Here’s the current list of the way you can spell this Festival of Lights.  Channuka, Channukah, Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanuko, Hannuka, Hannukah, Hanuka, Hanika, Hanukah, Hanukka, Hanukkah, Kanukkah, Khannuka, Khannukah, Khanuka, Khanukah, Khanukkah and Khanike. Sometimes even Xanuka (but that spelling seems too much like Xanax to me).  The basic problem is that it’s translated into English from a five-letter Hebrew word meaning “consecration,” which lacks the gutteral, rolling-in-the-throat opening sound. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has “Hanukkah” as the main entry, with “Chanukah” as another option. The Associated Press Stylebook, considered the spelling bible by most newspapers, also goes with “Hanukkah.” The New York Times uses ‘Hanukkah’. The Daily News uses “Chanukah,” although other versions are used. The bottom line is you cannot misspell this word.

5. Hanukkah is not a major holiday. It falls into that group of Jewish holidays with that old familiar theme – they tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.

6. Hannukah has a very small carbon footprint. We use candles and do not have a surging electric bill from decorating the house with a million light-bulbs.

7. Hannukah songs are not that great. Christmas songs are terrific.  The consoling news is that most of the popular Christmas songs have been written by Jews.

8.  Most Christians do not have a clue what any of the Jewish holidays mean.  They get them all mixed up.  “Is this the one where you eat Matzoh”?  “Is this the one where you don’t eat at all”? The fun part of being Jewish around Hannukah is that I can make anything up and my gentile friends will believe me.

9.  Jewish people do not have a Hannukah bush.  It is a menorah – not a candelabra (Liberace had a candelabra).

10. And finally, this just cracks me up.  Richard Lewis said “Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call”

11.  Okay, okay – so I have 11 Top 10 thoughts. We used to go to the movies and eat Chinese food on Christmas.  Now a lot of other non-Christians have caught onto the idea and the movies are very crowded on Christmas.  Maybe I will go to the zoo this year.

Eight Gifts of Hanukkah song:


Chipmunk Chanukah –

– So tonight is the big night. We bring out the Menorah and light the first candle at sundown. Factoid about my Menorah. Years ago, I saw a Martha Stewart show where she said if you put your Menorah in the freezer for awhile, the wax will chip right off of it. It was a good thing. Martha probably did not have in mind what I did after that. I now store my Menorah in the freezer all year long. It is a good thing and makes me smile every time I open my freezer. Now where did I put the dreidel?  Where is the Hanukkah gelt? Where should I display the menorah? Is anything going to catch fire after I light the candle? Does my box of Hanukkah candles contain the correct number so I am not short candles?  Do I have any matches? So many questions and only eight nights to figure it all out.  A very Happy Hanukkah to one and all!

Still one of my favorites – Marley The Hanukkah Dog Sings Oh Hanukkah

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Comments»

1. jimmyboi2 - December 1, 2010

Have you ever seen the “claymation” song “It’s Christmas Time for the Jews?” Darlene Love provides the voice… I think it was on Saturday Night Live, but it’s impossible to find on You Tube anymore… but you can search it ! VERY funny !

2. Linc - December 1, 2010

wait a minute…no Adam Sandler song???? Cause he got one line right, for my generation….lol….happy ha..cha…you know..

3. Donald Diddams - December 7, 2010

#9, “Hanukkah Bush”, made me laugh out loud!! Here I was expecting some political diatribe, and this just made my day! Thanks!


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